Searching for Her

I had this fantacy for years -- feeling the lips of another woman on mine. Ever since I was a teenager I found myself attracted to women. I went through a phase wondering whether I'm gay; but also wondering how I could be interested in boys but feel so strongly about women at the same time.

I had celebrity crushes, I had school crushes, I had part-time job crushes, you name it. I just didn't know what to think of it. I didn't know what to make of it...these women were straight, yet the interesting thing is, they gave me attention -- they wanted it too. I could sense it by their actions. I could never act on that though -- people would know, and it was wrong.

I came to the point when I decided I wanted to try it -- I had to try it -- it was all I could think about. I had been looking for "the one" for almost six months. I knew she was out there -- the one that would make my fantacy come true. But I couldn't waste my first time on just anyone. She had to be just right.

She had to be blonde, she had to be beautiful, she had to be sexy, and she had to have a tight stomach. I don't know what it was about the tight stomach -- maybe what I lacked and wished I had -- I wasn't overweight, but I never had a tight stomach.

So I went online. Looked at girl after girl; a glorious supermaket of women. It wasn't hard for me to get attention - I am pretty and I am different from the rest. I have a way with people too which helped my cause. For some reason, women were always more attracted to me then men.

I chatted with woman after women -- some hardcore lesbians, some bi-curious creatures like me, and some with ex-boyfriends or husbands that drove them to the same sex -- I chatted with them all.

I didn't contact anyone without a picture -- until I came across her profile. I don't know what it was but it was honest and fun and exciting. She didn't have a picture; just a short profile stating what she's looking for -- we were compatible so I broke the rules and sent her an email.

She responded.
That was the beginning.
That was the end of me as I knew me.

Trying to Love a Wild Thing

DOC: I LOVE YOU, LULA MAE.

HOLLY: I KNOW, AND THAT'S THE TROUBLE.

IT'S A MISTAKE YOU ALWAYS MADE--
TRYING TO LOVE A WILD THING.

YOU WERE ALWAYS LUGGING HOMEWILD THINGS--
A HAWK WITH A BROKEN WING,
A FULL-GROWN WILDCAT WITH A BROKEN LEG...

REMEMBER?

THERE'S SOMETHING--
YOU MUSTN'T GIVE YOUR HEART TO A WILD THING.

THE MORE YOU DO, THE STRONGER THEY GET
UNTIL THEY'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO FLY INTO A TREE,

THEN TO HIGHER TREES,
THEN TO THE SKY.